Sooo pretty much I had the worst experience of my life today. A couple weeks ago in one of my classes there was a film shown about Pedophiles. The film was pretty horrible, and 3 pedophiles were interviewed, 2 of whom gave extremely detailed accounts of how they abused the children they selected. Having experienced a different type of sexual violence in my life, the film made me feel totally alone and singled out in the class. Although rationally I knew no one was looking at me, I felt like all eyes were on me as I was “reliving” my story of abuse. I held it together for that class and decided that I would ask the professor to consider giving fair warning about the content of the film as to prevent others from having the same experience I did. Today there was an exam and hadn’t (still haven’t) slept for about 50+ hours cramming for this class. As I was about to turn my test in, I had a couple questions, and asked them. I sort of joked around with him for a bit saying that I was living the dream and knew I was going to get and A and that I had to get an A or I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight………..and for some reason…….he felt this warranted calling me “Militant”…….when I asked him what that meant he said “Ya know Militant, like Hail Hitler *puts his arm up in the heil hitler position*……..I was shocked…..but said nothing but, “uhh ok.” I proceeded to leave the room when he said “Ahh calm down don’t be so militant.” And I was like “Alright whatever that means, have a good weekend.” So I left, walked down the hall, stopped and thought what the fuck, turned back toward the classroom, then waited for him to leave so I could talk to him. It must have been a combination of confusion, lack of sleep, and not telling him about the video incident yet that as we were walking back to his office to talk I burst into tears and just started whaling about how I wish he would have given the class proper forewarning about the content of the film because it could be triggering for some who might have experienced that type of abuse or any other for that matter. All of this stated as I was blubbering. We got back to his office, I sat down and explained to him in a more collected fashion the same sentiments I had said before. I explained to him that the film was triggering to me personally because of my experience with other types of abuse. He understood all of this, we got into conversation on other topics, the mood semi-lightened, and then out of no where he basically said “So I guess I inadvertently didn’t ask your abuse story was,” I replied “well that’s ok” (hoping to end the subject as I felt awkward). He then asked “So are you gonna tell me?”……………I said “I mean…….I guess……” So in complete discomfort and total shock, I told him a quick version of the story, without almost all detail. I felt almost forced to tell him, as his question prompted my immediate response and the fact that his office door was shut made me feel more entrapped. Pretty much I was unwillingly forced to disclosing a part of me that is reserved for particular crowds and communities. How could a professor not know that it’s TOTALLY unacceptable to ask a student to disclose this type of information?????? I felt revealed, naked, and totally unsure of myself a this point. On top of all this, somewhere in this discussion we ended up talking about his parents (who the hell knows why) and how cool they were, he told me about how his family worked near a ranch and he would sometimes join them there for work and the reason why his parents were so cool………get this…….is because “even though all the Hispanic workers smelled so bad and were all just stinky, my parents still wanted to hug them and give them money.” CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS??? So, not only was I forced into disclosure because i felt uncomfortable saying no to an authority figure who has control over my grade, but he also managed to completely degrade “Hispanics” as he would call them. Needless to say, I left his office dazed and confused, wondering what the hell just happened. I sat down in the lab, and luckily Frank came because I looked at him and, for the 2nd time today, burst into tears and told him what happened………………….………….I can’t believe this guy is a practicing professor and that he is able to work here. People of average moral compass understand that the things he did were totally unnacceptable………….
